She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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