Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize