I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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