Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
