I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
