I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I am naked and annoyed.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize