Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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