Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You were trust falling into bushes
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
