So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Randomize
