do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
