hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
