im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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