Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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