worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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