I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
