I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
