the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
