I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
