Whod you bang
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
