I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
