I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
