She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I need to sanitize my soul.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm đđ»đ
We are so blessed
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. Thatâs how the club was. Lance doesnât get to decide ever again.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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