wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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