my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Randomize
