I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize