dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
