I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
