my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
