If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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