she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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