I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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