you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
