There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
