when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
