Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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