My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
