And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
