So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize