We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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