I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
