I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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