im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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