i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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