I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
