You made me cry and you don't even care
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
