My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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