I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Need sex. Gaining weight.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
