i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
