im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize