I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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