I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
