sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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