Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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