I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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