I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize