can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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