would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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