I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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