Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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