wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
