Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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