you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
