Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
