you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize