Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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