oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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