I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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